Junkmail No More, Part II: A Few Telling Haiku

Further to our last entry, involving the desecration of thousands of pounds of paper (trees) featuring the sleazy visage of our great PM, here are a number of haiku which we have written to fill those little lonely three lines asking your opinion on the Conservative government. Enjoy!



’09 budget:
Bizarre self-promotion
for one helluva dubious government.

’09 budget:
$100 tax break
for those who use the food bank!
Thank you, Mr. PM.

’09 budget:
Shut up the Humanities,
Social Science radicals.
(Bunch of intellectual parasites, anyhow.)

’09 budget:
No right to pay equity,
cap fed workers’ wage.

Introducing:
Mandatory jail time
for Prime Ministers who suck.

From coast to coast to coast
You see only $$$
You mine this land the most.

We see: you will only
work with those
who share your narrow goals.

What is a “strong” nation?
One that intimidates
and exploits others?

Don’t check Ignatieff
He rolls over for Harper,
bathes in tailings ponds.
(Dirty dog!)

How are the big oil companies
in bed? Big, big boys –
Do they make you hot?

Go back to Calgary
where Bush and Rice await you
with their imperial “policy studies.”

The safety you seek
is your own security,
safety from critique.

I don’t feel safe
going to the polls,
fearing you will return.

Will you feel better about yourself
if I check you out,
check you off?

You mock democracy
and threaten confidence
in your government.

You protect “innocent” businesses
from the critique
that is their due.

You are targeting
disposable populations,
stripping their resistance.

Hardworking Canadian Shield
should be able to thrive
in peace and safety.

Birds, humans, trees, air,
you are not safe
from the greed of Stephen Harper.

What “global problems”?
The ones you support –
Afghanistan, poverty?

Who will dissolve
in the process of mixing
your “global solutions”?

Who is best to lead
Canada into danger?
Stephen Harper’s your man!

Check Harper off
if you think people should die
from carcinogenic oil sludge.
(Mmmm…looks like chocolate fudge)

Check Harper off
if you want your great great great great great great grandkids
to pay off this deficit. Their gonna figgin’ hate us all in 2109.

Check Harper off
if you want to sell your nation
to corporations.

Does that smell like “successful” to you?
Reminds me more of
eau de sucking cess pool.

Thanks for asking our opinion.
We’ll get back to you
when SSHRC will fund us.

Stop selling Canada
its petroleum high,
making gas addicts out of citizens.

If you stand for oil,
lie down for Stephen Harper,
your partner in crime.

If you stand for lives,
do the irresponsible:
don’t check anyone.

Cozy up
to the Conservative niche:
Be Harper’s bitumen bitch.

Stand up for your country!
Put Harper where he belongs –
in the doghouse. (Bad boy!)

Suck it off and swallow
Like a good Canadian
Stephen Harper wants you
Coming back for more and more oil.

The Humanities will not be silenced!
The Humanities will not be
The Humanities will not
The Humanities will
The Humanities
The

'09 budget:
Shock therapy for SSHRC
Decreased fluids, leather binds to the wrists
Lovers’ getaway package for “business-related degrees”
Deluxe suite, buffet breakfast, walk-in fireplace.

Letter #2: To President Barack Obama, in Petitioning him to Scold PM Stephen Harper for the Tar Sands Mess and the SPP

The No Trespassing, Yes Partnership Haibun

On the Occasion of your visit to Canada on 19 February 2009

Mr. Obama,

we understand that you intend to end the American dependency on oil. No wait, it was on foreign oil. So one question we ask: does this mean that Canada can maintain its sovereign soil? If your intentions are true, then we beg of you: tell Mr. Harper his tar sandbox sucks. Suggest he quickly moratorium or even outlaw further digging, sludging, muck-trucking, and bird-killing out in the Albertan wilds. Tell him his sandbox gives cancer to children, infringes Native land rights, ruins our shared earth. President Obama, reconsider the terms of the Security and Prosperity Partnership (SPP): ask yourself who should reap the benefits of ‘prosperity’? And who precisely is targeted by so-called ‘security’ - is it PEOPLE wanting access to clean water? And turn down Mr. Harper’s invitation to the US military to get comfy on Canadian ground. Ban and burn the Canada-US Civil Assistance Plan (CUCAP). This is dire. The last thing we need is more friendly fire. Don't let Mr. Harper sell you all that oil – recoil from Canada’s blood smeared hands.

We believe in peace, hope and change:
Please be Canada's partner in all three.

Send your copy to:
President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, DC 20500
U.S.A.