Monday, February 8, 2010

OBITUARY for Immediate Release

Ronald McDonald (1963-2010), in his 47th year.

Beloved and inimitable mascot of multinational corporation and champion of American capitalism, known to generations of (obese and sodium-laden) children. Friend to the purple hairy lump and the masked androynous figure, among other bizarre corporate mascots, for decades of economic success, especially in the golden Cold War years, as well as steadfast symbolic patriarch throughout the reputational smear-campaigns and financial losses of recent years. Benevolent, cheerful and true to his word, Ronald was as bright and fuzzy as his shock of fire-engine red frizz, as creative and energetic as his striped tights and jumpsuit implied. See you in the hamburger patch, buddy.

In lieu of flowers, generous patronage at your local McDonald's franchise would be most appreciated.

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